Chad, the roid raging psycho who was kicked off the bachelorette last week, is a luxury real estate agent. That got me thinking, what if Chad wrote my description for 505 Edgebank Place.

This is what I think he'd say:

Since you started it, I'm going to tell you why you're buying this house. Yeah, it's a beautifully updated bungalow and stuff. The main floor is gorgeous and open, but whatever. Look, you eat all the time, right? This chef's kitchen is perfect for cooking lots of food. And the massive breakfast bar is perfect for eating, whether it's a plateful of meat or a raw yam. 

The deck is sweet too. There's like 5 different spots where you could sun yourself. I'd be out there all damn day. 

Moving on to what really matters: the basement. you're not using the basement bedrooms to sleep in. If you do, I'll find you. One bedroom already has mirrors: that's your kettle bell room right there. The another bedroom is more than big enough for a commercial squat rack. There's also a wet bar down there, perfect for your smoothie/protein shake bar. 

You probably don't need the other bedrooms on the main floor because you'll never find true love and have kids. When you think you have a great connection with someone, they end up dumping you, leaving you alone by a river. But those bedrooms are good for resale, I guess. 

Would I rather live in the bachelor mansion? Yes. But this house is #2 on my list. Buy it.

Check out what what we really wrote about this gorgeous home:

 


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